My whole life I've been known as the chill guy who functioned as a wall to anger, frustration, and stress. Much of last semester I would question why all the expats seemed so aggresive all the time, as if compassion was canceled from one's vocabulary.
Even as I write now, anticipating what I am about to say, my blood pressure boils and my chest is pressed in like a vice grip. It is not that I ever had anything against my fellow expats but I stood and watched their screams from afar, keeping my distance as if to post a chasm between me and the infectious disease of instantaneous outrage. Without warning, without precedent, without invitation, after building this barrier, I climbed out of the valley and smiled content when I looked around and realized my company... Greetings my fellow expats.
That's right. I am Kyle's ever-complaining, ever-aggravated feeling of mistreated, misunderstood, and maligned. What led me to this? I have some speculation on which I will not embellish but the important article is, this malice chokes quicker than the Cairo pollution.
Americans (and perhaps other cultures also) claim an old axiom, "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." Life experience teaches me how true this is. Falling from a tree didn't hurt like jumping from the 3rd floor dorm stairs onto cardboard boxes. This same truth retains its thudding impact even when the impact is not physical. Before when anger rose in me, a simple snuff out would cool my jets.
I hate being angry. Cyclical crossness. I hate this anger; my disdain for this anger builds onto and furthers my own.
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2 comments:
Good to hear from you again. I think most of us struggle with anger from time to time. Humanness. I'm still trying to figure out why traffic has that affect on me. Glad you're doing well, and still thinking and sharing with us.
Love,
Mom
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
Yoda
yes. i'm a nerd. so a chink in your armor peeks through - how will you learn from it?
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