Ignore-ant Restlessness

It started off like any other day. -- That introduction automatically snatches your hope for an adventureless activity. -- It started off like any other day. Waking around 8:00 am-ish, I meandered from my lazy bed to a door sitting fixed in its position daring me to pull it off the hinges. And as every morning, I reluctantly humored the stubborn blockade by playfully tugging at the loosened handle.

Dressed ready for the excitement of the day (gym shorts and a raggedy cut off T), I took my place at the breakfast table with my dear friend, the honey nut cheerio bee. I quenched his milky thirst so that he would return the favor. Then it was off to my regular cushion on the couch for the morning scripture studies (this is where I pace and memorize the aforementioned Romans passage). The occasion workout took its role in routine with lunch on its heels.

Just as I sat down to spend my one hour escaping both the troubles of this world and the virtual police officers chasing down my video car, the cell phone beckoned my immediate attention. And then it came. The catalyst message that altered the course of my preplanned day. So I marched down the beaten path, around the mall, across the tracks, dodging any incoherent drivers while hiking in the general direction of our office in the church building.

Each outing requires a few elements in order to constitute a well walked day. The first is to ignore all the taxis that jockey for a foreigner's finance. The second requisite is to attempting ignore the plethora of guards jovially fraternizing on each block corner, sipping tea. The third is to cancel any eye contact you might have accidentally or ignorantly made with the tissue saleswomen that traverse the hole -ridden roads jarring for funds in order that they might eat that night.

There is a common factor in each of these events; can you find it? Let me help you for you might have ignored it. Perhaps you are just ignorant of it. You've found it now haven't you?

Once I've looked both ways before crossing (any Egyptian intersection), I stumble upon a rotting home? a couple of blocks from the church, not empty of inhabitants when I pass, ever. I wrangle my eyes onto the path before me as not to rudely stare at neighbors as if they were a sideshow but I must admit, my resolve is waning. It is this scene specifically, that I believe set in motion my malicious mood for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Subconscious. I was not able to enunciate this erring in my heart until I munched on some marrow of my Lord. I implored of him the source of my malcontent. Why am I bitter toward coworkers? Why is my esteem dwindling? Why do my thoughts grow so critical of any shortcoming of any situation across my ears or eyes or even nose, for that matter?

The answer I heard in not so many words, "You are ignoring me." I cannot accept that the answer to a poor and broken heart is to ignore it, yet I am ignorant of truer ways to interact. How do you communicate love to a fellow well-woman who does not speak the same wallet as you? I am plagued by spliced speculation concerning the expectation of a pure intention. I want to drop my wallet all over these people but then what would that teach? that Americans are good for their pockets only? How I desire to instantly know Arabic or any other language but this inadequate English. (Obviously no other language would suffice when communicating with locals but that is the fullness of the frustration felt).

So tonight, my Friend and my God, and my soul sit to satiate. We've even scooped some schedule to run towards the desert (physical, and hopefully spiritual) on another day, just lay in the sand and lacerate my trembling heart before the throne of the King.

Daddy,
I can't take it any more. Forgive my selfishness and draw this prodigal son back to your bosom, by the power that raised Christ from the dead. It is in that sweet and precious name I beg that you would receive my jumbled and mumbled attempts at intimacy tonight. Bless you, Daddy.